Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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