My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did i walk over a car last night?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
there is glitter all over my balls
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