I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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