why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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