Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
