I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
