I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
