make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
