A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
