you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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