Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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