Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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