Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
