I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
