Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize