I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
