Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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