I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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