Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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