i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found puke in my bra..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
