just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize