i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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