just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
