hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
