Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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