I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
