margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
