I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
