I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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