Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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