I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
