Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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