His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
