Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
