Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have already put on my inside pants.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
