if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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