I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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