Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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