He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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