Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drunk is not a location!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
