I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
