Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
