I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
