We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
