Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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