your thong is hanging out like whoa
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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