Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
