So drunk its hurt
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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