I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ugly people sure do ruin things
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
