Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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