there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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