I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
