i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
