Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
