Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
