conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
