I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
