If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
