i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
