Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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