Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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