My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
