What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
