Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
