White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
