even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
